


The Officer

by orphan_account



Series: HisoKuro Crack Drabbles [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M, OOC, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 15:25:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4527321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chrollo really hadn’t expected to be attacked that afternoon. A relatively tall man with visible strength and surrounded by an aura of solitude, the chances of finding himself in an unwanted situation with a mugger was not one he pondered often. Perhaps he shouldn’t have kept his guard down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Officer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nico](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nico/gifts).



> woAH I meant to upload this a long time ago but writer's block hit me and sent me into a coma.  
> Anyways, here's an addition of more crack and OOCness. Not as much HisoKuro in this one, but I guess if you squint you'll find it? Also please let me know if there are any grammar/spelling/plot hole problems (though there is practically no plot in this one).
> 
> Also, thank you guys so much for the support on the last chapter! It was unbelievable!
> 
> WARNING: FOUL LANGUAGE

Chrollo really hadn’t expected to be attacked that afternoon. A relatively tall man with visible strength and surrounded by an aura of solitude, the chances of finding himself in an unwanted situation with a mugger was not one he pondered often. It was rare that he was faced with any form of street harassment, so he went about his days relaxed when walking outside. Perhaps he shouldn’t have kept his guard down.

It was a usual day at work in the office. His business, Phantom Corporations, was booming as usual, despite the many mishaps by his loyal employees. Shizuku stumbled getting out of the elevator, spilling coffee over several important documents (like usual), Pakunoda managed to handle the problem, shooing the boss away so he could get back to work (like usual), Shalnark attempted to secretly play Skyrim while procrastinating on coding important software updates (like usual), Uvogin spent the entirety of his day at the workout room (like usual, but Chrollo couldn’t bring himself to fire the cheery man), Nobunaga and Phinks constantly competed in various ways, generally causing a ruckus (like usual), Bonolenov distracted everyone in his vicinity with loud dubstep music (like usual), and the remainder of the company attempted to work diligently amongst a sea of distraction, an occasional threat from Feitan or Machi heard amongst the chaos. In short, it was a normal work day. After work, Chrollo would stop by the coffee shop, grab a chai latte, and head home to read with the company of his exotic pet fish and a glass of wine. This was what Chrollo considered as the norm.

It was a unusually bright when Chrollo left his office. The sun seemed to shine more, and the vibe of the city seemed lighter. The usual sounds of angry drivers and grumbling pedestrians were replaced with the cheerful calls of vendors and hums of music flowing from open doors. The colors seemed much more vibrant. A beautiful day for a walk, he mused, a cup of iced chai held loosely in his hand, ice cubes hitting each other with a faint _cling_ at each step he took. The air was crisp, and as Chrollo took in a deep breath to appreciate the different smells and sounds of the city, a sudden force shoved into his back. He stumbled forward, eyes widened in surprise. Before he could turn to glare and give a forceful (but polite) mouthful to the person in charge of the inconsiderate behavior, his hands were grabbed from behind him and a dull object pressed against his back. Chrollo felt like crying, the perfect day shattered by such a trivial matter. “Oh, come on,” he groaned, head lolling back, eyes facing the sky as his shoulders slumped in disappointment. “Can’t I just appreciate this nice day?”

His attacker had no courtesy nor decency, as the object, which by now Chrollo deciphered was the tip of a gun, was pressed uncomfortably into his back.

“Hand over your wallet, Lucilfer.” The voice was hoarse, almost desperate, and Chrollo would have chuckled if his teeth were not clenched in pain as the gun drove deeper.

"Now!" After a momentary pause, Chrollo sighed, before raising his hands to cup his mouth.

"Police!" The shout echoed across the crowded street as passerbies looked their way in shock to see such a forward and public crime. Almost immediately, they rushed away from Chrollo and his attacker, creating an empty space around the two. The man jolted, gun shaking against Chrollo's back. There was the undeniable sound of the safety being unlocked.

“You underestimating me? Huh?” The gun, though trembling, was shoved into Chrollo’s back. “You think I won’t do it, huh? You think I don’t have the guts, _huh_?”

Chrollo surveyed the area, wondering if anyone had taken the initiative to call 911. There were no sirens to be heard, and his faith in humanity sank further. Turning his head, he scowled when he caught sight of a police officer languidly resting his back against a storefront, one leg crossed over the other, inspecting his nails while every so often looking up at the scene.

Chrollo was beyond pissed, his head filled with red anger. If he wasn’t under the threat of a bullet to the spine he would have stormed over to the man in a cloud of raging fury and sent him crashing down to hell. Instead, he decided to use his words, and there was no layer of politeness to mask his wrath.

“Hey, you fucking worthless piece of shit!” he called out angrily to the police officer. Both the mugger and the hostage were surprised by his words. Chrollo was not one to lose his temper, but the police officer had somehow managed to do it. “Get over here and do your job, you bitch’s bastard’s whore!” The police’s brows raised up to his hairline, eyes alight with amusement. He made no move to aid the raven. “Dumbass invertebrate, do your _job_!” By the end of the rant, Chrollo was panting from his screaming, the criminal had whispered an astonished “What the fuck...”, and the police officer was smiling lecherously.

“Well, if you _insist_ ,” the officer spoke out, and began sauntering over the two. He gracefully plucked a pair of handcuffs from his belt, spinning it around a delicate finger. The action brought the mugger back to reality, who began yelling out profanity and threats. The officer pulled out a pistol; sleek, silver, and most certainly fake (why an officer would have a toy gun was beyond Chrollo), and cocked the head at the trembling man.

“I advise you to drop your weapon,” the officer grinned, and the gunman stood still, stewing in anger.

 

He snapped.

 

“Go to hell, Lucilfer!” He screeched, and the trigger was pulled.

\---

Chrollo Lucilfer was 80% sure that he should be dead. The safety was off, the man had snapped, and the trigger had been pulled. Factoring all of these in, it did not make sense that he was still breathing, watching an amusing scene as the cop sat provocatively on the man’s back whose arms were pulled behind him and hands bound by cuffs.

“ _My_ , did the little boy forget to load his gun? Oh, how _unfortunate_ _for you_.”

Oh. Right. Chrollo felt like an idiot. Of course the gun wasn’t loaded. Why did he not think of that earlier.

Now that he was free from the grasp of the could-have-been-a-killer, the CEO took his time to inspect the officer who had given him so much grief. His hair was relatively long and bright red, bangs framing his defined face. Promiscuous golden eyes, accented by eyeliner and shadow (the raven was quite startled by this; what officer wore such intense makeup on the job?), and curved, sly lips. He certainly did not fit into the stereotype of a police officer.

The cop looked up at Chrollo, a satisfied expression on his face as he wiggled on top of the fallen man to get more comfortable. He rested his chin upon his hand, and cocked his head to the side.

“Well? Shouldn’t you be calling the police?” He spoke out, voice sultry and playful. Chrollo was confused.

“What do you mean? I’ve already called y-” Realization dawned upon the horrified man as he took in the full attire of the cop. A tight blue officer shirt, tight enough that it showed the defined muscles underneath. Pants even tighter than the shirt, revealing a bulge that most certainly shouldn’t be allowed in a professional environment. Black studded heels. And a few golden badges, the biggest one emblazoned with the words, _Officer Pleasure_. Chrollo felt like puking. “Oh.”

The officer, who by now the raven had discovered to be a stripper, chuckled as Chrollo turned his back in sheer embarrassment to dial 911.

\---

By the time the actual police arrived and arrested the mugger, the ice cubes in Chrollo’s chai had completely melted, and the stripper had yet to leave. Chrollo coughed, turning to the man as he remembered all of the foul things he had unfairly said to him. _Bitch’s bastard’s whore_. He winced at that one, unsure of how his mind was even able to create such an insult as that.

“Um,” he began to fumble, and coughed once more. “Uh, I’m extremely sorry for my uh...earlier actions”. The dancer’s grin widened, as he rested a pale hand upon his curved hip.

“ _Oh_?” he replied, voice smooth and thick. “Your insults were...quite creative. I enjoyed hearing them”.

Chrollo flushed. A CEO of a prestigious company, hurling insults at a stripper. How professional.

“I...I’m very sorry. Is there any way I could repay you? Perhaps a gift or-”

Chrollo was interrupted by the stripper’s laugh.

“How about you come visit me sometime?” He smirked, handing Chrollo a black card with golden script. “I’m quite good at dancing, you know.” With a wink, the stripper sauntered away, and Chrollo was left standing alone in shock.

\---

A week later, and Chrollo was questioning his life choices. The stripclub was dark and loud, and the stench of alcohol and lust reeked in the air. The raven pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering why he had

come to the club and not just sent a thank you note and a gift card.

The lights on the stage began to flash, as the announcer’s voice boomed, “ _Welcoming....Hisoka!!!_ ”. A familiar redhead stepped out in a revealing magician’s suit and bunny ears.

 

Chrollo blanched. ****  
** **

**Author's Note:**

> This fic just got trashier and trashier as it went on. Well, here's to hoping that the next one won't be nearly as bad. I'll also try writing a longer fic next time but my attention span is the size of a peanut.


End file.
